How to Be a Real Wife According to Sattabhariya Sutta | Calm Mind

How to Be a Real Wife According to Sattabhariya Sutta

    In today's fast-paced world, the concept of marriage has evolved significantly. Modern wives face unique challenges, balancing careers, household responsibilities, and societal expectations. Screen addiction, sexual misconduct, and the pressure to conform to social standards add complexity to the role of a wife. Amid these challenges, how can one truly embody the essence of being a "real wife"? The Sattabhariya Sutta offers timeless wisdom that resonates even in the modern era. Let's explore this ancient teaching and how it can guide women to navigate contemporary challenges with grace, wisdom, and strength.

The Nature of Modern Wives: A Glimpse into Today's World

The role of a wife has changed dramatically over the years. In today's world, women are more independent, career-oriented, and vocal about their rights. They juggle multiple roles, from being professionals to homemakers, mothers, and partners. However, this newfound freedom and independence come with their own set of challenges.

Screen Addiction: A Modern-Day Distraction

One of the most significant challenges modern wives face is screen addiction. With smartphones, social media, and streaming platforms at their fingertips, it's easy to get lost in the digital world. This not only affects personal productivity but also impacts relationships, leading to communication gaps and emotional disconnection.

The constant need for validation through social media can create insecurities, leading to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. It becomes crucial to strike a balance and use technology mindfully.

Sexual Misconduct: A Hidden Issue

In the age of digital connectivity, issues of sexual misconduct have become more prevalent. Whether it's through online flirtations or inappropriate messaging, modern relationships face new challenges that were unheard of in the past. Infidelity and trust issues can arise, threatening the foundation of marriage.

Challenges Faced by Modern Wives

The modern wife faces numerous challenges, including:

• Balancing career and family life
• Managing societal expectations and stereotypes
• Dealing with financial pressures
• Coping with emotional and mental health issues
• Maintaining a healthy and fulfilling marital relationship

These challenges require emotional resilience, wisdom, and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances.

Sattabhariya Sutta: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Wives

The Sattabhariya Sutta is a discourse from the Buddha that categorizes wives into seven types. It offers profound insights into the different behaviors and attitudes a wife can exhibit, highlighting qualities that lead to happiness and harmony in marriage.

The Seven Types of Wives in Sattabhariya Sutta

1. Wife as a Murderer (Vadhaka Bhariya): A woman who is cruel, malicious, and harmful to her husband.
2. Wife as a Thief (Coraka Bhariya): A woman who misuses her husband’s wealth and is deceitful.
3. Wife as a Dictator (Ayyavadhika Bhariya): A woman who is domineering, harsh, and disrespectful.
4. Wife as a Mother (Matu Bhariya): A nurturing and caring wife who looks after her husband like a mother cares for her child.
5. Wife as a Sister (Bhagini Bhariya): A respectful and considerate wife who treats her husband as an elder brother.
6. Wife as a Friend (Sakhi Bhariya): A loving and affectionate companion who shares joys and sorrows.
7. Wife as a Handmaid (Dasi Bhariya): A humble, obedient, and supportive wife who serves her husband selflessly.

Ideal Wife According to Sattabhariya Sutta

The Sutta emphasizes the importance of being a wife who embodies the qualities of a mother, sister, friend, or handmaid. Such wives are compassionate, respectful, loving, and supportive, leading to harmony and happiness in marriage. They are not submissive but exhibit strength through kindness and wisdom.

How to Face Modern Challenges as a Wise and Brave Woman

1. Balancing Career and Family Life

Modern wives often struggle to balance their professional and personal lives. Prioritizing tasks, effective time management, and seeking support from partners can help maintain this balance. Open communication and setting realistic expectations are crucial.

2. Overcoming Screen Addiction

• Set boundaries for screen time.
• Engage in meaningful offline activities.
• Practice mindfulness and be present in the moment.
• Communicate openly with your spouse to strengthen emotional connection.

3. Addressing Sexual Misconduct and Trust Issues

• Maintain transparency and honesty in the relationship.
• Establish clear boundaries.
• Seek counseling if needed to resolve conflicts.
• Build trust through consistent actions and words.

4. Mental and Emotional Well-being

• Practice mindfulness and meditation.
• Develop emotional resilience and coping mechanisms.
• Seek support from friends, family, or professionals when needed.

The Path to Wisdom and Bravery: Lessons from the Past

Inspiration from Women Who Became Nuns

In ancient times, women who faced challenges or disillusionment in worldly life chose the path of renunciation by becoming nuns. They sought inner peace, wisdom, and liberation from suffering. This demonstrates the courage to walk a path of self-discovery and spiritual growth.

Teri Gatha: Voices of Enlightened Women

The Teri Gatha is a collection of poems composed by enlightened Buddhist nuns. These poems reflect their struggles, liberation, and spiritual awakening. They inspire modern women to find inner strength, wisdom, and purpose, regardless of societal expectations.

Read This Sutta: 

    Then the Buddha robed up in the morning and, taking his bowl and robe, went to the home of the householder Anāthapiṇḍika, where he sat on the seat spread out.

 

Now at that time people in Anāthapiṇḍika’s home were making a dreadful racket. Then the householder Anāthapiṇḍika went up to the Buddha, bowed, and sat down to one side. The Buddha said to him, “Householder, what’s with the people making that dreadful racket in your home? You’d think it was fishermen hauling in a catch!”

 

“Sir, that’s my daughter-in-law Sujātā. She’s been brought here from a wealthy family. She doesn’t obey her mother-in-law or father-in-law or her husband. And she does not honor, respect, esteem, and venerate the Buddha.”

 

Then the Buddha addressed Sujātā, saying, “Come, Sujātā.”

 

“Yes, sir,” she replied. She went up to the Buddha, bowed, and sat down to one side. The Buddha said to her:

 

“Sujātā, a man can have seven kinds of wife. What seven? A wife like a killer, a wife like a thief, a wife like a lord, a wife like a mother, a wife like a sister, a wife like a friend, and a wife like a bondservant. These are the kinds of wife that a man can have. Which one of these are you?”

 

“Sir, I don’t understand the detailed meaning of what the Buddha has said in brief. Please teach me this matter so I can understand the detailed meaning.”

 

“Well then, Sujātā, listen and apply your mind well, I will speak.”

 

“Yes, sir,” she replied. The Buddha said this:

 

“With a mind full of hate and no kindness,
lusting for others, looking down on her husband,
she longs to murder him who paid the price for her.

A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a killer.

 

A woman’s husband earns his wealth
by applying oneself to a profession, trade, or farming.

And even if it’s only a little, she wants to take it.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a thief.

 

She’s an idle glutton who doesn’t want to work.
Her words are harsh, fierce, and rude.
She rules over him, though he rises early.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a lord.

 

She’s always caring and kind,
looking after her husband like a mother her child.
She keeps the wealth that he has earned secure.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a mother.

 

She respects her husband
as a younger sister respects her elder.
Conscientious, she does what her husband says.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a sister.

 

She’s delighted to see him,
like one reunited with a long-lost friend.
She’s well-raised, virtuous, and devoted.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a friend.

 

She has no angerwhen threatened with violence by the rod.
Without hate or anger,
she endures her husband and does what he says.
A man’s wife of this sort
is called a wife and a bondservant.

 

The kinds of wives here called
killer, thief, and lord;
immoral, harsh, and lacking regard for others,
when their body breaks up they set course for hell.

 

But the kinds of wives here called
mother, sister, friend, and bondservant;
steadfast in their own morality,restrained for a long time,
when their body breaks upthey set course for a good place.

 

Sujātā, these are the seven kinds of wife that a man can have. Which one of these are you?”

 

“Sir, from this day forth may the Buddha remember me as a wife like a bondservant.”

The Sattabhariya Sutta offers profound insights into the nature of marriage and the qualities of a true wife. Reflecting on these teachings can help modern wives navigate their roles with wisdom, love, and compassion.

---

Conclusion: Embracing the True Essence of a Wife

In today's world, being a "real wife" is not about conforming to stereotypes but embodying qualities of wisdom, love, and respect. The Sattabhariya Sutta serves as a timeless guide, encouraging women to be supportive companions, wise decision makers, and emotionally resilient individuals. By embracing ancient wisdom and adapting it to modern challenges, wives can create harmonious and fulfilling relationships.

---

FAQs

1. What is the Sattabhariya Sutta?
   The Sattabhariya Sutta is a Buddhist discourse that categorizes wives into seven types, highlighting qualities that lead to harmony and happiness in marriage.

2. How is the Sattabhariya Sutta relevant to modern wives?
   It provides timeless wisdom on how to navigate marital roles with love, respect, and wisdom, making it relevant even in today’s world.

3. What are the challenges faced by modern wives?
   Modern wives face challenges like screen addiction, balancing career and family, societal expectations, financial pressures, and mental health issues.

4. How can modern wives overcome screen addiction?
   By setting screen time boundaries, engaging in offline activities, practicing mindfulness, and communicating with their spouses.

5. What is Teri Gatha, and why is it significant?
   Teri Gatha is a collection of poems by enlightened Buddhist nuns, reflecting their spiritual journey and inspiring modern women to find inner strength and wisdom.

Namo Buddhaya!