Better Alone Than in Bad Company: The Buddhist View on Asappuriso
Have you ever noticed that some people only come to you when they need something, but when you need them, they vanish without a trace? These individuals may even be relatives, close friends, or people you’ve trusted for years. Buddhism describes such people as Asappuriso the “bad person,” one who lacks gratitude, compassion, or the qualities of a noble friend. Associating with such individuals not only brings suffering in this life but also creates karmic consequences that follow us into future lives.
In this article, we will explore the nature of Asappuriso, why associating with them is harmful, how to identify them, and how to protect ourselves while maintaining compassion without falling into hatred. We will also dive into historical Buddhist stories, including Devadatta’s relationship with the Bodhisatta, to understand the dangers of toxic association.
What Is an Asappuriso?
The Buddhist Meaning
In Buddhist teachings, Asappuriso refers to a person lacking noble qualities such as gratitude, honesty, compassion, and reflection on good deeds. Unlike Sappuriso (a noble or good person), the Asappuriso uses people for their own advantage and quickly forgets any help or kindness received.
Core Characteristics of Asappuriso
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They do not reflect on good deeds done for them.
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They do not care about who helped them in the past.
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They associate with people only when they need something.
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They are often manipulative, using relationships for personal gain.
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They lack noble company and avoid noble teachings.
Why Associating With Bad People Brings Suffering
Temporary Advantage, Lifelong Suffering
Asappuriso may occasionally appear supportive, but their true motive is selfish gain. Once their advantage is over, they disappear. Associating with them leads to emotional pain, betrayal, and even karmic downfall.
The Karma of Association
In Buddhist belief, our connections extend beyond this lifetime. A person who is your enemy today may become your mother or father in your next life due to unresolved karma. This makes associating with bad people even more dangerous because it strengthens karmic bonds that can follow you for countless lifetimes.
Even Loved Ones Can Be Asappuriso
It may surprise us, but even those closest to us siblings, relatives, or even parents may display the nature of Asappuriso. Why? Because all beings are still trapped in the endless cycle of Samsara, where ignorance, greed, and hatred dominate. Recognizing this helps us stay wise, without falling into blind trust.
The Supreme Buddha’s Example: Devadatta
Who Was Devadatta?
Devadatta, the cousin of the Buddha, was once a monk under the Buddha’s dispensation. He was powerful, disciplined, and even attained high meditative states such as the fourth jhāna. With such qualities, one might assume he was a noble person. Yet, he was an Asappuriso at the core.
His True Nature
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He developed jealousy and hatred toward the Buddha.
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He attempted to take leadership of the Sangha.
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He used supernatural powers for selfish purposes.
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His desire to kill the Buddha destroyed his spiritual path.
Lesson From Devadatta
This story shows us that we cannot always identify a bad person by outward appearances. Even someone who meditates deeply or practices certain precepts can still be an Asappuriso if they harbor envy, hatred, and selfish ambition.
The Signs of an Asappuriso
1. They Forget Good Deeds Instantly
They never reflect on the help received, even if you sacrifice greatly for them.
2. They Do Not Associate With Noble Friends
They avoid wise, virtuous people and prefer company that fuels their desires.
3. They Reject Noble Teachings
They do not listen to Dhamma or practice noble qualities like generosity or loving-kindness.
4. They Destroy Trust
They create suffering, tension, and chaos in others’ lives without remorse.
5. They Mislead You From the Path
One of the most dangerous qualities of Asappuriso is their ability to misguide noble practitioners, distracting them from the path of truth.
How to Handle Asappuriso Without Hatred
Be Smart, Not Weak
Sometimes, due to karmic consequences, we must deal with Asappuriso in our family, workplace, or social circle. If you have a weak mind, this can feel unbearable. But remember, Buddhism teaches wisdom, not blind hatred.
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Be tricky, be smart – Don’t openly confront but handle situations wisely.
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Kindly reject unreasonable requests by pointing to past events gently.
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Stay genuine – Speak the truth but in a way that doesn’t provoke conflict.
Cultivate Loving-Kindness (Metta)
Even when dealing with a bad person, we should not respond with hatred. Loving-kindness meditation helps break the cycle of anger and prevents the creation of further karmic bonds with that person in future lives.
The Danger of Hatred Across Lifetimes
Hatred is sticky. Once it begins, it can span across lifetimes, just like the enmity between Devadatta and the Bodhisatta, which lasted for eons. A small incident in the Serivanija Jataka created a hatred that chased the Bodhisatta through countless rebirths.
By practicing patience and compassion, we stop this karmic enemyhood from continuing into the next life.
Why It’s Better to Be Alone Than With a Bad Person
Buddhism emphasizes the importance of noble friends (Kalyāṇa-mitta). If noble friends are unavailable, it’s far better to be alone than to associate with bad company. Why? Because bad company misleads, creates suffering, and pulls us away from the noble path.
How to Identify Noble Friends Instead
Qualities of Noble Friends (Sappuriso)
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They appreciate and remember help received.
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They encourage Dhamma practice.
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They associate with wise teachers and noble company.
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They practice generosity, compassion, and patience.
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They bring peace and growth into your life.
Associating with such people supports your spiritual journey and protects you from suffering.
The Framework in Practice
The framework Mindfulness, Balance, and Compassion is a practical way to deal with Asappuriso:
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Mindfulness (Sati): Stay aware of who you are dealing with, without illusions.
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Balance (Upekkha): Don’t get too attached or too hateful; remain calm.
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Compassion (Karunā): Wish them well, but don’t let their darkness drag you down.
Conclusion
The nature of an Asappuriso is dangerous yet subtle. They cannot be identified by appearances, titles, or even spiritual achievements. Associating with such people leads to suffering, karmic entanglements, and the risk of losing the noble path. The wise approach is to avoid such company whenever possible, and if not, deal with them smartly, compassionately, and without hatred. Always seek noble friends, and when noble friends are not available, remember: solitude with mindfulness is far better than bad company.
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